There’s something uniquely painful about losing a mother. Mothers often provide stability, comfort, and connection; the thought of moving forward without her can seem unthinkable. The first weeks and months might feel overwhelming, but please know that every emotion you feel is valid. This guide offers ways to manage the pain and honour her memory at your own pace.
Science shows that grief can affect the brain in powerful ways, particularly following the loss of a close loved one. When you lose a mother, your brain may enter a state of shock as it tries to process the absence of someone so integral to your life. You may find it hard to concentrate, experience memory lapses, or even feel disoriented. It’s normal for these symptoms to occur as your mind adjusts to a new reality.
During this time, you may feel an emotional “numbness,” or you may be overcome by waves of emotion. Both responses are completely normal. Studies have shown that grief often follows a pattern known as “oscillation,” meaning you’ll have moments of sorrow that ebb and flow, sometimes without warning. Allow yourself the freedom to feel what you’re feeling, even if it doesn’t always make sense.
Society often paints grief as constant sadness, but the reality can be much more complex. Some people cry heavily, while others find they can’t cry at all. You may feel numb, anxious, even strangely calm. These reactions aren’t signs of “not caring” – they’re natural responses as your mind works through the shock.
Consider this: when a loss is significant, your brain’s limbic system, which governs emotions, can protectively reduce your ability to feel intense emotion all at once. It’s why you might seem calm in front of others, only to find sadness reappears later. Trust your unique process, even if it differs from what you expected.
When you’re ready, there are ways to help you navigate this difficult time. These steps are small acts of self-compassion, recognising that grief is a journey with no right or wrong path.
In the days and weeks after losing your mum, daily life may feel like an uphill battle. Consider creating a basic routine to keep a sense of structure, even if it’s just waking up at the same time each day. Research on grief by Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a renowned grief counsellor, suggests that keeping things simple and manageable allows the mind and body to adjust more gently.
It’s also helpful to acknowledge that your focus and memory might feel scattered. This is normal and temporary – a part of the brain’s protective response. Give yourself permission to let go of perfectionism during this time. If small tasks bring comfort, embrace them.
Grief doesn’t have a timetable, and many people find that it changes form over time. The Upside of Grief membership offers tools, compassionate guidance, and a community for ongoing support. It’s a place to connect with others who understand and to find resources that can help you as you navigate this journey.
Here is a checklist to guide you through the initial period of grief, but remember that it’s okay to take things at your own pace. There’s no “right way” to grieve, only what feels right for you.
